Friday, February 20, 2015

What happens while off-track?

Its been a long time since I last wrote but I think maybe its time to get going again.
I have to ask the question though..
What happens when you walk off the track?
What happens when you leave the thoughts of God, leave the direction of God aside and do things 'your way'?
Is it so bad to leave God by the wayside 'just for a little while' and not have any time for  Him?

I have been taught that this is bad and that we cannot live a life without Gods direction. So whenever I go off track, I think to myself: "I don't have any extra time for God, I don't have any extra time to read the Bible, I don't have any inclination to pray or to pick up even a devotional and take a look."

This is fine right?

I find it amazing that when I veer off the "God-track", I don't turn into a worse person. It doesn't make me a ungodly person with complete disregard.
So what is the point.
Well, what I also find amazing is that I had no desire to pray anymore. I would close my eyes and not actually be able to say anything. No words came to mind. Its like my mouth was closed and my brain was in shutdown - I just couldn't say anything.
Often I used to just quietly pray for someone or a situation whilst in a mall or in the street etc, but I found that without Gods direction, that has stopped. The thought didn't even enter my mind.

My bibles have been gathering dust on the bookshelf. My devotionals, Christian books, study notes have all been packed away.
Things that I used to pick up while being out and about in our world, the small things, I just wasn't able to pick up anymore.
I had great ideas, but none of them came to pass. It felt as though I had no direction in terms of being a Christian.
I am not sure what to make of this.
I can certainly tell you that a life without Gods direction and being close to Gods Word is a worthless life. Its a life with no point and no use or worth!
Nothing changed in terms of success, health, family etc but it all leads down to a direction and a "point of life", and without God close by (by my own decisions - not His) I just felt like I was living a pointless life.

I still have many questions to ask, a whole lot of uncertainty and certain doubts - but living without direction is not something I enjoy.
I can just imagine God, walking by my side everyday, even though I have deserted Him on many occasions, and just asking me to talk to Him.
He has been walking by my side even though I have disregarded His presence and have ignored His continued 'greetings', His turning and facing me and wanting to say something and I have just turned my back to do my own things.
I have, in many instances, felt a certain call to do something just out of the blue. Pray for someone, talk to someone strange, help someone, hug someone - but I just didn't do it.

I always knew I was offtrack and I had no inclination to walk back on track with God. I always said to myself - maybe at a later stage.

But you know what. After all I have done, ignored God, walked in a different direction, turned my back - God is still walking next to me every day. He is still asking to talk to me and He is still smiling at me waiting for a response.
If I just lay that past at the feet of Jesus, its over.
When I say to God - Its over and I ask for forgiveness - its forgotten!
It reminds me of the words of the brilliant song by casting crowns.

Here at Your feet, I lay my past down
My wanderings, all my mistakes down
And I am free

Here at Your feet, I lay this day down
Not in my strength, but in Yours I’ve found
All I need, You’re all I need

Here at Your feet, I lay my future down
All of my dreams, I give to You now
And I find peace, I find peace
Here at Your feet, I lay my life down
For You my King, You’re all I want now

Thank you God for always seeing me through the stupid things I have done and will do in the future!
I would love to know your experiences or thoughts if you have been "off track".