Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Undo Me

First of all i need to say that this poem really hit home.
It comes from the awesome radio station www.klove.com
It was read out the other day and i just had to find it and stick it on here. I love it. I can read it over and over because it is so Real!

So thanks to KLOVE and JD Chandler for this poem. Your work in this really has got stuck in many peoples minds.






-------------------------------------

I don’t really worship these day
I don’t really stand up to praise you with songs
Or prayers or actions
or with anything
I am full of all the right moves
I am full of all the right words
I am full of all the right religion
But it is all just illusion
I am really
Lonely
Lost
Calloused
Jaded
Cynical
Too religious
Too realistic
and well really just to lazy
to worship you anymore
I have lost my first love
I have lost the joy of your presence
But most of all I have lost the fear of your glory

Father I need to see you again
Like Isaiah I want to stand in awe of your glory
To fall down at your feet
To come face to face with your
Perfection,
Radiance,
Goodness,
Holiness,
Awesomeness
I want to stand before you and see you for who you are
and me for who I am
I want to be undone

I want to know me for who I really am
I want to see the depths of my heart
And know that you are the only way
You are the only truth
You are the only life
I want to see me and understand
What it really must have taken for you to
Love me
Care for me
See me
Speak to me
Want me
Communicate with me
Die for me
Die for me
Die for me

Lord, I want to stand in that place where all I can see is your glory
And my sin
Because in that place I can’t help but worship you.
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
Lord, undo my heart
break down these walls that I love so much
No, wait don’t,
I’m scared I don’t know if I can handle this
don’t
But I can’t live this way anymore
I can’t stand here in this half-life
this going through the motions life
this not really alive life
Father, I need you so come in and do what you must
Cut out the tumor on my heart
Break down the walls that I love
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
let me worship you again

Monday, January 2, 2017

Expecting Guidance?

OK, I must admit this has been quite a turnaround and something has been telling me over the last few months to get back onto expressing feelings into “pen on paper”.
Since my last thought sometime ago, we have moved country and a lot has been happening around us between getting everything of ours sold up and sorted in one country and rebuilding in the next country.
This has brought me to writing this thought.

I woke up one night in horror and thought to myself – what the hell have I just done? Last year this time we were content in our house back in South Africa and this year we are in a new country and our lives have been turned upside down.
The scariest part of this is – I have not turned to God once throughout this process. I have not asked Him for His guidance, his protection and His direction. We have just gone ahead and done this alone and expected God to be there for us because we are Christians right?
Does it work that way?

Is it right for me to just think that now that I am a Christian and I am saved, God will just protect us and I can “Expect” that He just continues to bless us. I don’t think that’s how it works right!
How selfish and completely arrogant of me to think that I am just blessed and that God will just fit into place where expected and we will be guided.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.
I just realised that I completely ignored and disregarded this verse from Gods Word.
But God is forgiving right. I know that I can go back to Him in Prayer and ask Him to forgive me for “expecting Him” to abide and treating Him like He owes me something. That’s something God will forgive me on because it is promised in His Word.

But what got me thinking is how often do we actually do this. We go along in our daily routine and expect that We have this path laid ahead of us and everything will just be OK and work and we expect that God has led us in the right direction. Often I wake up in the morning or go to bed at night without praying or having a quiet time with God, because life got too busy and I forgot. What a ridiculous excuse, but I think it happens more often than not. Its very easy to fall out of “speaking to God”.

The thoughts on my mind are, 
1. Am i alone in this? I have sinned, where does this leave me?
2. When we leave God out of our decisions and daily movements, what does this mean?
3. When we expect God to fall into place when we expect Him to guide us automatically, does He still?
4. And now that I have walked on my own path in the last while - Will it be difficult to get back on the right path with God and apologise?

I guess the best place to turn is Gods Word. Contrary to what I have done, let me turn to what God has to say about a situation as such:

Answers to the above from the Bible:
1. Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
2. Jame 1:5 - If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
3. 1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
4. a) Psalm 51:10 - Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
b) 2 Chronicles 7:14 - If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

 A prayer in closing..... When times like this happen


Dear Lord, I am calling upon you today for
your divine guidance and help. I am in crisis
and need a supporting hand to keep me on the
right and just path. My heart is troubled but I will
strive to keep it set on you, as your infinite wisdom
will show me the right way to a just and right resolution. 
Thank you for hearing my prayer and for staying by my side. 
Amen!
For Unfailing Strength
Do not look forward to what may happen
tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares
for you today will take care of you tomorrow and
every day. Either He will shield you from suffering,
or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.

Be at peace, then. Put aside all anxious thoughts and
imaginations, and say continually: "The Lord is my
strength and my shield. My heart has trusted in Him
and I am helped. He is not only with me but in me,
and I in Him."

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Driving with Blinkers

Its so funny to just notice every now and then people driving in traffic. Once  getting on the freeway, its like entering a "challenge" zone.
Everyone is on a mission to go somewhere.
People stare forward, barely noticing what happens on the side of them and often not even noticing what happens in front of them. (I speak from experience).
But when you get off the freeway and drive at a slower speed in residential areas and stopping and traffic lights and the like, you start to notice people looking around more often. While stopped, they look out the side windows at shops, car sales shops, people walking on the side of the road, potential danger etc.
What you also have the opportunity of doing is noticing the small things.
Comparing this to what happens at high speed on the freeway, we hardly notice anything next to us as we are on a mission to go forward ONLY.
The only time you will probably notice something on the side of you on the freeway is if you feel threatened or in danger, this causes you to look and deal with the issue.

Shouldn't our Christian walk be the opposite to this.
I see many similarities of our Christian walk and freeway driving. We are all on a mission to get further in our Christian walk, but we do it so quickly that we fail to notice the "things" happening on the sides of us. We don't see the attempts by the devil to tackle our believes, motives and growth. We don't see distractions coming to us so by the time we actually stop or slow down, it may be too late and we are already taken off course a little.
Often these little side distractions can cause a huge diversion for us in our Christian walk, but if we took things a little slower we could have noticed the distraction and dealt with it straight away instead going through a whole part of your life away from the chosen path of Jesus!

Next thing could be the music we listen to when we drive. Why do we put music on? Its to take our mind off of the traffic and surroundings and get on with our commute. I use music because, to me, it relates very much like a cover we put over ourselves so that we don't have to deal with the darts and issues coming in from the side of us. We feel safer by not dealing with the side issues and we think that if we just go forward and get to our destination, we have succeeded and anything that happened on the side is not our problem.

But this isn't true. All those "side things" do effect us. Some of them you don't even notice, but there are some that you do see, but don't acknowledge. This is like driving past a speed sign that tells you drive at a particular speed. It doesn't effect you. You think: "I know its there, but it doesn't effect me because I normally drive the right speed. If I go over the speed limit it doesn't really matter because everyone else is doing it".
Don't we do this in our Christian walk. We know there is dangers out there, and there are warnings all over the place, but we fail to react to the warnings because we think we are ok, but actually, the question is "Are we ok? Really?"
I am not one to talk here because I go over the speed limit almost everyday, but speed kills and so does ignoring the warning signs in our Christian walk. Something may not happen today or tomorrow or even in 2 weeks time, but one day you will get caught and satans attempt to get you offtrack will succeed.

Doesn't this happen to all of us? It certainly happens to me.

Friday, February 20, 2015

What happens while off-track?

Its been a long time since I last wrote but I think maybe its time to get going again.
I have to ask the question though..
What happens when you walk off the track?
What happens when you leave the thoughts of God, leave the direction of God aside and do things 'your way'?
Is it so bad to leave God by the wayside 'just for a little while' and not have any time for  Him?

I have been taught that this is bad and that we cannot live a life without Gods direction. So whenever I go off track, I think to myself: "I don't have any extra time for God, I don't have any extra time to read the Bible, I don't have any inclination to pray or to pick up even a devotional and take a look."

This is fine right?

I find it amazing that when I veer off the "God-track", I don't turn into a worse person. It doesn't make me a ungodly person with complete disregard.
So what is the point.
Well, what I also find amazing is that I had no desire to pray anymore. I would close my eyes and not actually be able to say anything. No words came to mind. Its like my mouth was closed and my brain was in shutdown - I just couldn't say anything.
Often I used to just quietly pray for someone or a situation whilst in a mall or in the street etc, but I found that without Gods direction, that has stopped. The thought didn't even enter my mind.

My bibles have been gathering dust on the bookshelf. My devotionals, Christian books, study notes have all been packed away.
Things that I used to pick up while being out and about in our world, the small things, I just wasn't able to pick up anymore.
I had great ideas, but none of them came to pass. It felt as though I had no direction in terms of being a Christian.
I am not sure what to make of this.
I can certainly tell you that a life without Gods direction and being close to Gods Word is a worthless life. Its a life with no point and no use or worth!
Nothing changed in terms of success, health, family etc but it all leads down to a direction and a "point of life", and without God close by (by my own decisions - not His) I just felt like I was living a pointless life.

I still have many questions to ask, a whole lot of uncertainty and certain doubts - but living without direction is not something I enjoy.
I can just imagine God, walking by my side everyday, even though I have deserted Him on many occasions, and just asking me to talk to Him.
He has been walking by my side even though I have disregarded His presence and have ignored His continued 'greetings', His turning and facing me and wanting to say something and I have just turned my back to do my own things.
I have, in many instances, felt a certain call to do something just out of the blue. Pray for someone, talk to someone strange, help someone, hug someone - but I just didn't do it.

I always knew I was offtrack and I had no inclination to walk back on track with God. I always said to myself - maybe at a later stage.

But you know what. After all I have done, ignored God, walked in a different direction, turned my back - God is still walking next to me every day. He is still asking to talk to me and He is still smiling at me waiting for a response.
If I just lay that past at the feet of Jesus, its over.
When I say to God - Its over and I ask for forgiveness - its forgotten!
It reminds me of the words of the brilliant song by casting crowns.

Here at Your feet, I lay my past down
My wanderings, all my mistakes down
And I am free

Here at Your feet, I lay this day down
Not in my strength, but in Yours I’ve found
All I need, You’re all I need


Here at Your feet, I lay my future down
All of my dreams, I give to You now
And I find peace, I find peace
Here at Your feet, I lay my life down
For You my King, You’re all I want now

Thank you God for always seeing me through the stupid things I have done and will do in the future!
I would love to know your experiences or thoughts if you have been "off track".

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Listening to God...or not!

Why is it so difficult to listen to God?

It says in the Bible that we need to refrain from doing things on our own but rather listen to God. What is God going to say? What is He going to do about my situation I find myself in?
Sometimes I think that we don’t listen because if its Gods that’s telling us, we have to tell Him one of two things:
“Sorry, I don’t think that’s right” – and flatly disregard Gods talking   OR
“Hey, You are right” – and follow and trust in Gods way!

Frankly I am scared to think what Gods answer will be. Most of the time its not going to be the answer that I want. Its all about me and what I want to do. God is going to dampen my decision because what I am about to do is not the “Correct Christian thing to do”.

So I disregard Him. I do my own thing. I act out what I thought was correct. In the moment, I feel great! I have made my point. Problem here is, that moments don’t last forever. It’s the long time where it becomes a problem and only after awhile do I realize that I made a wrong decisions or acted without Gods advice.

I guess, by default, humans are “in the moment” creatures. Everything must happen now and in my way!

It says in the Bible that if we listen to God, He will have our back….but if we ignore Him when He was trying to tell us something – He will leave us to deal with the consequences ourselves.
SO how do I actually listen to God. I close my eyes and do what? I feel things are being told to me, I come up with thoughts but how do I know if its just my mind rolling around or if its God actually talking to me?

The force of evil is also in your mind and it is at war with you. Evil is always connected to a feeling of fear. God is connected to a feeling of peace. Satan is the accuser. God is the comforter. Evil seduces you into breaking God's law and then shames you for what you did. Evil knows where you are vulnerable. If you are afraid of being poor, evil will tempt you with money. If you have sexual vulnerabilities, evil will tempt you sexually. Satan says you are stupid, ugly, no good, broken, worthless and unlovable. The goal of the Devil is to destroy your relationship with God. Evil never wants you to communicate with God. It will laugh at you as you read these words.

One thing about Gods voice is that it will never contradict scripture (Which is Gods voice). This is why we should know scripture very well so e will always know whether Satan is trying to confuse you. Often God will talk through His scripture.

Right, so when do I do this. My mind is continually running around things of the day, thoughts of work, deadlines, family, money etc. How does God fit into this?
Well, I really don’t know…..Today, I am really confused. I feel deserted and it feels like everything that I once knew is gone? Weird…Have you thought this before?

Its like all the decisions I am making are my own, like I have never really understood listening to God and if He speaks to me, well then, I am really lucky?

What are your thoughts?

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

The Killer Grudge!

The Grudge!
This word is probably one of the most destructive words in history.
I can talk from personal experience!

I often think to myself, will God forgive me continually for the bad things that I do and the bad thoughts that I have, continually, over and over?


I often believe that I have angered God so much that He has just given up on me and pushed me aside and now thinks "well, He has just passed the sinning threshold - now its over".

I just don't know what the problems are. I don't know how to deal with them. But the problem is, Satan loves these thoughts, because He makes you think that God has given up on you and now, you are on your own.
This becomes a big spiralling ball which gets bigger and bigger daily, and you hold more grudges, for longer and it goes on and on.....
This is a very personal subject for me and I write this from personal experience, which I struggle with on a daily basis.

I hold grudges, all the time! I think that god cant forgive me, so I cant forgive others.

The above statement is the crux of this letter. How can I forgive if I don't 'feel' forgiven?
It often feels good to hold a grudge against another person, because its what I know to do. It makes me feel like I am dealing with the situation in the way that I know best and then I write that person out of my life! Yay, I have beaten my thoughts....I have made a decision that I believe will be for the better. I believe that I don't need people like that around me so I "remove" them..

But is this for the better? Does this help?

In the short term it does! It makes me feel secure. It makes me feel strong (feelings) and it makes me feel confident.
But this is short term. The ball then starts to roll. Satan starts to work in your life and add onto these thoughts. Satan starts to make you think you don't need people like that in your life.
The problem then also is that you have so much "un-forgiveness" in your heart, that you don't believe that God has forgiven you! And because hasn't forgiven you, you cannot forgive others!

"But I just cannot seem to forgive or be merciful towards those who have wronged me! Now what?" That is because you don't truly believe that God is truly prepared to forgive you, and be merciful towards you. You cannot continue to give something that you are unable to receive.

Satan makes you believe that it is impossible to receive Gods mercy, because you cannot have mercy for others, and the other way round. (This is the rolling ball I believe starts rolling).

We are told to forgive others 70 x 7 times. Jesus was saying, basically, that we should never stop forgiving, even if it is the same person sinning against you all the time.


Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21-22


I have, for a very long time now, struggled with grudges. I build walls around myself to try and protect myself and my feelings from being effected or hurt. I am now starting to realise that it is those same walls that are making me think that God is so angry with me, that He cannot forgive me. (Satan's handiwork)

These same walls are blocking the Holy Spirit from entering into our lives, to heal our hurt. These same walls that we build to protect ourselves, eventually cause our demise.

I try and try to be forgiving, but I just cant. Its like it is impossible. Many times, I am not confident in my relationship with God, and this makes me build more walls around me.

Have you ever had this feeling or experience?

To summarise, what is holding back the healing of our emotional wounds, is the fact that Satan has convinced us that we have messed up so many times, that God no longer desired to forgive or be merciful towards us. Satan wants us to feel like we could forgive others, but God would still be disappointed or angry with us. That is as far from the truth as it gets - this completely contradicts what God's Word tells us about how He delights in being merciful, and promises to forgive those who are forgiving, and be merciful towards those who are merciful towards others. God does not want to even remember our sins... He even wants them blotted out of His own mind!


Holding grudges and building walls is very damaging to your soul.

I have alot of work to do personally, to break down my walls and release my grudges. I know, that with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will be able to do this.

Let me leave you with this:

Don't tear your clothing in your grief; instead, tear your hearts." Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful. He is not easily angered. He is filled with kindness and is eager not to punish you.
Joel 2:13 (NLT)


Bless You





Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Gods Light

I was watching a series called 'Cosmos' the other day and at the beginning of the first episode, the narrator goes on about planets and space and just big it all is.
Our little earth is so small compared to just a planet like Saturn or Jupiter and there are so many stars around that we don't see, shining bright. These planets are so far from each other, we are talking millions of miles away from each other.

And then, the narrator takes us further out an shows just our galaxy. Our galaxy consists of all these planets and stars an all sorts of beautiful creations. As He goes further into 'space', our galaxy becomes smaller and smaller, and then another galaxy pops onto the screen, one just like ours, also in in its own - has millions of stars and planets. And as the go further and further away, these galaxies start appearing on the screen, hundreds of them, now so many that each of them look like stars themselves.

Our universe is so vast! We dot know where it ends.
But what struck me in this programme, is the narrator said something which explained that we don't even know what is further out  there, because we haven't been around long enough on earth to see the light of these objects in space even reach us.
Everything in space is measured in light years (The distance it takes light to travel in one year ie: 9,460,528,400,000 kilometres per year).
Everyday, new objects and stars appear to us on earth all of a sudden as their light reaches us. They are trillions and trillions of miles away, and one day, their light just appears and we give it a name.

Makes me wonder...One day, the un-imaginable light of this huge source will reach us. A light that is so crystal clear and bright that we wont be able to even look at it with our 'earthly eyes'.
Right now, that light is travelling at thousands of kilometers per hour to get to us, and when it reaches us, our world (as we know it) will change forever.
This light is the light of God. So bright, so beautiful! It will reach us - and consume our world today!
I look forward to this day, when the light of God shines on us, and the entire universe (of which we know little about) will be displayed!

Jesus - We wait for your second beautiful appearance!

Amen